The Role of Children in the Home

ROLE OF CHILDREN IN THE HOME

Mark Mosher

INTRODUCTION

For parents pain is par for the course. No one knows this better than God Almighty who created man in His image for His honor and glory (Gen. 1:26). God knew that in creating mankind a being of volition, man would choose not to love his creator. Genesis to Revelation becomes then a manifestation of God's work and love for His creation to provide for them a life in heaven. No doubt, the greatest example of parenting is God. Yet, when we read the reactions of God's creation to His commands, we have the very reactions of children toward their parents. God has endured the pain of disobedient children.

It is not uncommon for parents to hear that their child is on drugs. It is not uncommon for a young girl to say to her parents, "I didn't think this would ever happen to me. I'm scared; I think I'm pregnant." We are facing a day when it is not uncommon for a child to say to his parents, "I tested positive for HIV; am I going to die?" These problems may not be so acute in every family, but they are altogether too real in today's world. What happened?

To understand what has happened can best be illustrated by a frog. If a frog is placed in a pan of warm water under which the heat is increased very slowly a degree at a time, the frog will not wish to escape. Since the frog is cold-blooded, he adapts to the water temperature and does not see the danger. The frog will simply sit there until he is boiled to death.

The same is true of our society today. Slowly, a degree at a time, our children have been taught humanistic, atheistic philosophy. Our society has been fed with the doctrine of no rights and no wrongs for so long that we, like the frog, have been oblivious to its dangers and are now to the boiling point. Parents are seeking help from preachers and elders to help "straighten" out their children, a monumental task at best.

Some years ago the Houston Police Department published a list they called Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children. These somewhat tongue-in-cheek rules help us focus precisely on some specific problems.

First: Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.

Second: When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. That will make him think he is cute. It will also encourage him to pick up "cuter" phrases that will blow off the top of your head later.

Third: Never give him any spiritual training. Let him wait until he is twenty-one and then "decide for himself.

Fourth: Avoid the use of the word "wrong." It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

Fifth: Pick up everything he leaves lying around -- books, shoes, and clothing. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on someone else.

Sixth: Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be sure to sterilize the silverware and the drinking glasses, but let his mind feast on garbage.

Seventh: Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.

Eighth: Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?

Ninth: Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustrations. (Do you remember the comic strip character, teenaged Penny, who one day complained to her mother that her mother was going to frustrate her? Penny's mother said, "Dear, you have longer to get over your frustrations than I have to get over mine!")

Tenth: Always take your child's part against neighbors, teachers and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your children.

Eleventh: When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with that boy."

And twelfth in this list of rules for raising delinquent children: Prepare yourself for a life of grief. You are probably going to have it.1

This shows the difficulty parents have today. But, we cannot put the blame solely on the children. Parents have for three decades been sitting back, like the frog, doing nothing. It is time we got back to Christian homes, teaching the responsibilities of the husband, wife, parent, and child. What is the role of children in the home?

CHILD MUST BE OBEDIENT AND RESPECTFUL

The child in the home should be obedient and respectful to his parents (Eph. 6:2). It is vital that the child learn this relationship for it will become the basis for the child's attitude toward all other people and authorities. His attitude toward his parents will be his attitude toward police, law, boss, school, and God Almighty. The child's ability to relate and interact with society is first learned by learning to react properly to his parents. If respect is not learned in early years, then disrespect for one's parents will be more manifest and open in later years. It is extremely important then that a parent take hold of the child's respect early. The child should feel loved, yet at some time realize that wrong choices have consequences.

Christ is a great example of a child who is obedient to his parents. At the age of twelve, the Bible says, "And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart. Jesus increased in wisdom and statute, and in favour with God and man" (Luke 2:51-52). Later, the Apostle Paul wrote, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right" (Eph. 6:1). Notice that God, through the apostle Paul, declared this a right thus showing there are rights and wrongs. In the beginning of the Bible, the sin of Adam and Eve was that of pride. Satan declared to Eve, "Ye shall not surely die, For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil" (Gen. 2:4b-5, emphasis mine). What Adam and Eve saw in the garden was the ability to be their own God without the responsibility of another telling them what to do. They could choose right and wrong for themselves. The temptation to be your own boss, not having to adhere to another's commands and choosing right and wrong, has been great upon every individual. It has found a home in humanism. Our children today are taught by society, "It is their life; choose what life is right for them." Choose what "alternative" lifestyle is best. It is no wonder then our children question our right to set guidelines and rules. Therefore, it is vital that at a young age, we let the child know the parent sets the rights and wrongs for the child. How many parents have stated, "I can't control my child." No doubt, children can be a challenge. Yet for every strong-willed child, there must be a stronger will within the parents. Whatever discipline is necessary to control the child and teach the child that parents are in control must be administered.

THE CHILD MUST BE RESPONSIBLE

I have talked with many children who come to me and are angry with their parents. "My parents never treated me right"; "my parents always fight" or the classic "I can't wait till I'm eighteen, and I can leave home." And, there are those who are still angry with their parents, be it 30 or 40 years old. We somehow get the idea that our parents' failures absolve us of any responsibility. One of the greatest examples of this attitude in the Bible is Absalom toward his father David. Absalom was 30 years old when he struck back angrily at his father. He was killed by soldiers as he led a revolt against David (II Sam. 18:33). There are those children today who want to blame their parents for their weaknesses and even want their parents to feel pain as punishment for whatever they have done. Some children deliberately find themselves in trouble simply to inflict pain on their parents. They will simply say, "Well, I'll show them." The child then does a tremendous wrong and when confronted with taking responsibility for the action, begin to blame mom and dad for their actions. Isn't this what God's children did in the beginning? Eve simply told God that the serpent was to blame ( ). Adam said that Eve and his father, God, was to blame ( ). The greatest difficulty we face as children is to look at ourselves and truly see who we are. Sooner or later in life, all of us must realize that we are responsible for our own actions. As we get older, our independence increases and parental responsibility for what we do decreases. A baby is not responsible for his actions. The baby is defenseless, helpless, therefore dependent upon everyone for survival. As that baby gets older, the child's independence increases. Therefore, responsibility increases. Many children today want total independence. They do not want mom and dad to tell them how to live, what to do. Yet, they are dependent upon mom and dad for food, clothing, shelter, etc. As long as there is that dependence, total independence is impossible. Therefore, that child must be in subjection to his parents. Paul understood this concept of responsibility in Romans 7: ? When Paul was born, he was without sin. There was no responsibility toward God and his parents; he was totally dependent. Later, as he learned responsibility toward God's law and transgression of that law, there is sin (Rom. 5:13). It is when a child reaches this age that the child has reached the age of accountability and must choose to obey God and receive forgiveness or live in sin and suffer the consequences. Children, therefore, who want more independence must show themselves to be more and more responsible in their actions. Children must earn this right. Parents are not responsible for the sin of the children, nor are the children responsible for the sins of the parent (Ezek. 18: 18, etc.)

Wisdom literature from the ancient Near East of 2,000 to 3,000 years

ago is not usually a familiar form to a twentieth-century Bible student.

Such unfamiliarity with the literature's poetic style, "in-life" applications,

and types of wisdom have led and can lead the student into error and/or

misapplication. For example, many who study the scriptures have a

modern, regimented concept of religion. Certain things are "religious" and

other things are "secular." The Bible is "religious" but one's job, home, et

cetera are "secular." Such a mind-set may not be able to understand that

the proverbs and other wisdom literature were written by a people who

believed that ". . . God was the God of the whole earth who expressed

authority in every aspect of life."

Suppose we were to conclude that our parents are to blame for our sins--does this mean that their parents were to blame for their sins? If we keep going back all the way to Adam and Eve, are we then to conclude that God is to be blamed for Adam and Eve's sins? Our children need to realize that power, independence, authority is responsibility. If you find yourself in a home where mom and dad fight or act inappropriately, then admit that parents are perfect and often do things that are wrong. Yet, regardless of the situation in which you find yourself, you are responsible for your actions.

STAY TRUE TO YOUR NATURE

One of the difficulties in studying Proverbs is found in one's approach. Proverbs is dealing with wisdom literature.

In Proverbs 22:6 the proverb writer states, "Train . . . . Too often we want to place this verse alongside Ephesians 6:4 and say if we teach our children the ways of God, he will always remain faithful. This is not a true statement. We might be faithful in the training of our children and own children still make the wrong choices. Proverbs 22:6 is dealing with wisdom literature, every day life applications. Proverbs 22:6 would be stated, "Train up a child according to his nature" or "Train up a child in the way he is bent." Too often parents fail to recognize the nature of a child and train that child not to violate his nature. An example would be, "My child is going to be a lawyer when he gets older." What the parent is saying is, "I am going to force my child to be a lawyer even though the nature of my child is such he/she does not want to be a lawyer." Every child born has a distinct personality and nature. I have two children, and they are as different as night and day. One is reserved and quiet; the other is loud and boisterous. It would be wrong for me to try to change their personalities. Rather, I need to encourage them to use their personalities to the glory of God. If my child's nature is such that she desires to be a ditch digger, I will encourage her to be the best she can be at the same time realizing that strong personalities, as well as reserved personalities, have different challenges.

If a child is more reserved, then it is easy for that child to be influenced to do wrong. This child easily becomes the "crowd follower." If everyone else is doing drugs, this child is tempted to do the same to be with the "in crowd." On the other hand, if a child is more strong-willed, then it is easy for this child to influence others to follow him. Both must realize the dangers they face and not allow their personalities to sin against God.

LOVE YOUR PARENTS

" . . . greatest of these is love" ( ). Out of love, parents will spend time with their children. Out of love, parents will discipline their children (Prov. 13:24). Out of love, parents will provide for their children (I Tim. 5:8). The same is true for children. Out of love, children will respect and obey their parents. Out of love, children will be responsible. Out of love, children will accept the discipline of their parents as an act of love.

They will realize that their parents want them to act and be their very best. Out of love, a child will realize that parents are not perfect. When parents fail to be what God wants them to be, then loving children will possess the attitude of forgiveness. The children will set the proper example for the parents.

THEY WILL CARE FOR AGED PARENTS

Then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees, which were of Jerusalem, saying,

Why do thy disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? for they wash not

their hands when they eat bread. But he answered and said unto them, Why

do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God

commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, He that curseth

father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to

his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited

by me; And honor not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have

ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition. Ye

hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you, saying, This people draweth

nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoreth me with their lips; but their

heart is far from me. But in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines

the commandments of men" (Matthew 15:1-9).

Then came together unto him the Pharisees, and certain of the scribes, which

came from Jerusalem. And when they saw some of his disciples eat bread

with defiled, that is to say, with unwashed hands, they found fault. For the

Pharisees, and all the Jews, except they wash their hands oft, eat not,

holding the tradition of the elders. And when they come from the market,

except they wash, they eat not. And many other things there be, which

they have received to hold, as the washing of cups, and pots, brazen vessels,

and of tables. Then the Pharisees and scribes asked him, Why walk not

thy disciples according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with

unwashen hands? He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias

prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoreth me

with their lips, but their heart is far from me. Howbeit in vain do they

worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. For

laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the tradition of men, as the

washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do. And he

said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may

keep your own tradition.

In Mark it is corban. The word corban is a Hebrew word denoting a gift. It here means a thing dedicated to the service of God, and therefore not to be appropriated to any other use. The Jews were in the habit of making such dedications. They devoted their property to him for sacred uses, as they pleased. In doing this they used the word corban, or some similar word, saying, this thing is corban, i. e. it is a gift to God, or is sacred to him.

The passage shows the tendency to want to disregard one's responsibility toward his parents. Yet, just as our independence increases after we are born, we get to an age where we once again become dependent. It is at this time the children need to take the responsibility and care for their aged parents. Yet, children who have always lived for self and never have "owned up" to responsibility will seek ways to disregard their parents. There is an underlying principle found in I John 5:? which states ". . . not burdensome." These are commands given by God that are not often pleasant to obey but because of our love for God, it does not become a burden. This same holds true in taking care of one who is ill or helpless. There are unpleasantries that go along with taking care of aged parents but when you love them, it is never a burden.

CONCLUSION

God bless our young people who strive to live right in an age that is against right and wrong. No doubt, the challenges are great, but we need to encourage our children to be the best they can be. In these formidable years, they should learn to be responsible, productive people in society and in the church. May they learn how to give God the glory in all they do.